Dear Email Spammer:
Thank you so much for your frequent communications. I wanted to make sure you were aware of the following:
Although I personally am always looking to increase my performance, I do not have anything dangling between my legs so perhaps I am not a great candidate for Viagra.
You know, I have come to the conclusion that my body will never look like it did when I was twenty no matter what diet pill or exercise regimen you boast of. Thank you though, for clouding my business and personal email with your help, I know you mean well, it’s truly sweet.
Oh, the other thing is, I recognize that I could get filthy rich if I simply gave you my bank account number. Seriously, I realize you are so intelligent and the fact you would trust me with all that hard earned cash your government is trying to take away really is touching. I think I’ll pass. I do, however, feel super special that you sought yours truly out for that, wow my mom should be really proud.
You know, I used to get upset when horrible personal information was being posted somewhere. You know the really terrible things that happened in the past. You see, there is nothing I can do about it now. I know that you are truly interested though and you really want me to click on the link to that file. I want to thank you for trying to assist. You know we all have negative information about our past somewhere, it’s surprising to me this is finally coming out.
Oh, listen here is something I really wanted to point out. That blood pressure solution may help, especially when I need to review my junk mail to see if there are any emails that actually should have been in my in box. I truly love gift ideas but that special garden hose, watch, wood-working kit and herpes remedy just does not seem to fit into the plan at least not for my friends and family but thank you.
You know, no matter how hard you try and sell it, I truly do not want to invest in a time share. However, I’m sure I can put you in contact with folks that purchase time shares; they also email me from time to time. A little networking perhaps?
Email spammer, I know you must have some great qualities but I’d like to break it off with you. I wish you well and hope you understand it’s nothing personal, in fact it’s me not you.